No care, no attention. No help, not any company. That's okay you say, you move on and you can leave them behind. You close your eyes and fake being sleep and you hear complaints about how you are, how you are weird, how you aren't normal despite everything they tried. You get caught afterwards, you haven't learned how to hide your tears, how to suppress your feelings, that's okay you say, you will eventually learn. You have a sister, she says she cares about you, she hides a frown, she suppresses anger, you know any false step will be an insult towards you. That's okay you say, you will eventually leave this place. You start learning, you start trying to be socialize and be with others, in response they create nicknames and petnames, they hate you. That's okay you say, they will accept you some day. You can't understand, you think jokes are funny but others don't seem to, you think chasing people with a recorder and try to beat them is normal, it's just a game, they used to do that all the time, they run away, they fear you, they hate you. That's okay you say, I'll get my revenge one day. You are stuck one day, you being using more and more, it consumes you, you now have a double life, one where you are happy, another where you are no one. That's okay you say, eventually you will transition and leave this identity behind. You don't know what love is, you don't know how to show it, you are a stalker, an obsessed freak. That's okay you say, I'll try to be healthier. You find people who seem to understand you, you don't know how to be happy, all your thoughts are cold, cries for help, they can't handle it after some time, they leave you. That's okay, I'll find more friends. You have some connections, people you value, then a whisper here, a word there, you see that you are the bad guy, you realize you are less than anything to them, what is fun for you is negative for them. That's okay, I'll be better, I'll try to improve yourself. You find friends, connections, you think they care about you, but you know it won't last forever, eventually they will leave. You tell one of your crushes you love her, she doesn't, it destroys you, you dont' want to think about it more.

Wake up Fait. You have three partners, they care for you, you like to think that. You try to spend time with them, no response, no answer, no answer. You talk to your friend who you still have a crush on, shes occupied now, you have no one left. You only have you and your work, your identity is worth nothing compared to what you try to be, try to become. They all say they care about you, their actions demonstrate otherwise. You are scared of losing them like you lost everything, put that away. Another time. That's okay, you have work too. You have work too. You have work. You need work. Who is anyone without work. You try to spend time, none wants to spend time with you, they never want to talk, to call, to hear eachother, you miss their voices sometimes. You still have your friend you guess. You have work, you have work you have work you have work. Your best friend isnt your best friend, thats okay thats okay everyonehates you thats okay you can be alone thats okay youll find others thats okay youll be another person thats okay youll be reborn as a phoenix thats okay youre a genius thats okay but you arent really thats okay where are your friends who do you talk to where is your life? you have none thats okay theyre all gone thats okay youre all alone thats okay they all left thats okay none of them know thats okay you will always hide it thats okay they will never know thats okay you will always hide thats okay no one else shall know thats okay you still love her thats okay you sometimes want her to kill you thats okay you love her thats okay she doesnt like you thats okay shes your darling you are what she was trying to avoid becoming thats okay you are a manipulator thats okay shes your darling thats okay you are obsessed thats okay you love her thats okay she hates you thats okay she forgot about you thats okay your partners forgot about you thats okay you have no one to talk to thats okay you need help thats okay no one can thats okay shes gone thats okay you forgot their voices thats okay you dont want to be with anyone thats okay you will never be reborn thats okay you wont have second chances thats okay you are and always will be abeautiful son thats okay thats okay thats okay thats okay leave me alone i hate you all you are all traitors. you all hate me you fucking hate me thats okay you all hate me thats okay fait will be better without you no you cant thats okay you will be alone and always will be alone you need it thats okay you need to drink away thats okay

You know you are better, you know you are superior. you have something they dont, you have power they say you are no one others say you cant believe they say you are closer to god they say you are closer to god they say you are evil they say you are an angel they say you are dumb, you are never going to be what you want, they say you are no one they say you are everything you are everything but nothing, whats here nor there, you can be outside this world they say, you can transcend they say, in another world you would be god, I have a fate, but no one knows what it is. Shall i believe or shall i know do i drown or do i float do i shut it down or not.

Closer to god yet ignored by humans, deserved to be loved but always abandoned.

i will transcend this dimension and become part of the higher beings, I will experiment and see. I have magick and maths, soul and science, You are nothing, everyone nothing, im not angry im not sad now im numb, like i always wanted to. numb numb and closer to god